


Saints, Ingrid, it's not the Gender Trinary

by 2Hummingbirds



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, Nonbinary Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:13:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25458340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2Hummingbirds/pseuds/2Hummingbirds
Summary: claudestrophobiaYou being you does not cheapen my experience, I promise.
Relationships: Ingrid Brandl Galatea/Claude von Riegan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26
Collections: Fire Emblem Trans Week 2020!





	Saints, Ingrid, it's not the Gender Trinary

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This ship has been living rent free in my head for some months!
> 
> So for background this is set as a side story in an AU I'm kind of writing, maybe, about Animal Crossing and genders and being online. Approximately zero % of that is on AO3 at time of publishing this (but I thought this much was manageable for fetransweek) so you get a fun sneak peek. Hope that explains some of the plot threads that seem to come out of nowhere.
> 
> Also please be nice to me.

Fingers hovered over the keys, then hit send before Ingrid’s brain could waste any more time waffling over it. Who knew how long he was going to have that little green “online” dot next to his name, after all?

By the time Ingrid’s features un-winced themselves, Claude had already replied.

> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Ingrid. Ingridient list. What’s up, what can I do ya for.
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> That was terrible, you spend too much time with Alois.
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> He’s been around a long time he’s cool
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> The nicknames are… okay but speaking of names, can I ask you something?

Claude usually typed fast, but he took a bit to reply this time.

> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> I might not answer.

Ingrid’s pulse became very noticeable all of a sudden. Claude was a pretty guarded person, but that’s what made him the right person to ask.

> **horseybooks**
> 
> That’s fair. That’s… yeah. Alright. So, um.
> 
> Recently a friend asked me for advice regarding a situation with another friend.
> 
> …

Ingrid struggled to sum up the situation with Felix and Annette without giving Claude enough detail that it became obvious who the “friends” were, even with their names redacted. That was central to the question, after all, wasn’t it? And then Ingrid worked it out, and realized the conversation could be a lot shorter than originally planned.

> **horseybooks**
> 
> Never mind. This… doesn’t matter. I thought about it a little longer myself and the answer became obvious
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> It was something about names? Or was it deadnames?

_ Crap _ , he was astute.

> **horseybooks**
> 
> Yes, but I would never call you anything other than Claude though! Which is your name! It wasn’t like that, please don’t worry!
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Lmao uh… Claude is just an online handle, actually. I did a legal name change but it’s something else.

“WHAT?” Ingrid yelled out loud.

“ _ Shut up _ ,” Felix yelled back from the other room. Then a few seconds later, muffled- “Do you need help?”

“No, don’t worry. Sorry,” called Ingrid through the closed door.

> **horseybooks**
> 
> WHAT?
> 
> Sorry that was a “what” of surprise, not a “what is it”
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Lmao lmao yes YOU keep calling me Claude please
> 
> but yeah it’s… not that uncommon? This is like a basic internet security thing.
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> ...
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Ingrid is your real name isn’t it.

_ Uh-oh Ingrid, deflect, deflect. _

> **horseybooks**
> 
> Sorry it was just… unexpected. I think it’s because Claude is a real human name. I had people online calling me meatball because of my username for all of high school, you know?
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> First of all, that’s  _ hilarious  _ and very on-brand for you.
> 
> Second, going by a human name has its downsides too.
> 
> I kind of regret picking something so westernized sometimes? Like, am I trying to make it palatable, why am I capitulating, etc etc
> 
> but implications aside I do like my choice so idk.
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> Can I ask, are you… named after the Animal Crossing character?
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> That ugly - no.
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> Wow, ok, it’s not that unreasonable a suggestion and also don’t be mean to Claude, Claude.
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Are you only asking me this because Felix is named after the cat?

Ugh! The man was too perceptive. Hadn’t Ingrid just had a dilemma about disclosing her roommate’s personal affairs?

> **horseybooks**
> 
> ...you know what, he publically tweeted about this recently, so you’d find out anyway. Yes, you’re right.
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Hahaha
> 
> so what about you, do you want my expert input on which Animal Crossing villager to name yourself after?
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Animal crossingrid.
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> I’m perfectly content being Ingrid, thanks.
> 
> I mean…
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Go on
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> It’s got, as you put it, unfortunate implications as well. I’ve been conflicted recently… maybe I should go by my middle name instead. It’s not as obviously gendered.
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Woah there, and you’re telling me already it’s gonna be your real middle name? Why don’t you just give me all the numbers on the back of your credit card while you’re at it?
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> _ You _ !
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> I do like Ingrid. My family told me the other names they were considering before I was born, even girl names, and they settled on this, and… I think it really suits me and the person I became.
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> So then don’t change it.
> 
> Ingrid doesn't have to be a girl name. It's your name.

Unbidden, Ingrid’s thoughts spilled into the discord text box.

> **horseybooks**
> 
> But doesn’t it feel like you’re supposed to? Like you’re supposed to cast off what you grew up with and… and realize one day that because you hated some parts of it growing up, it means that you hate all of it?
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> I don’t know if I’m making sense
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> I understand what you’re saying, yeah, as for making sense… I don’t think I’ve seen people militantly demand only binary transness since like 2014? Maybe I just follow the right people.
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> I’ve noticed that in my online spaces as well, but doesn’t it also seem like many of the “relatable posts” settled into “my pronouns are they and my gender is do not perceive me”?

It felt silly, really really silly, to admit that a bunch of relatable viral posts had any influence on the self-perception of a proud, established adult. But sometimes you needed the words to come from somebody else’s mouth. And sometimes the words coming from somebody else’s mouth were fine for someone else, thousands of someone-elses, but were not the words that you, in particular, needed.

> **horseybooks**
> 
> I’ll grant that the discussion on acceptable nonbinary presentation has moved past “masc/androgynous only” which is positive but wanting to look like that was never the part that posed a problem for me.
> 
> That’s what tipped me off in the first place that I might… but it’s still a might because I mean...
> 
> Am I not breaking enough rules now?
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Saints, Ingrid, it’s not the gender trinary
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> Haha. You’re right, okay.
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> You being you does not cheapen my experience, I promise.
> 
> **…**
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> You’ve been typing for a long time, everything alright?
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> I’m sorry
> 
> I’m not sure what to say.
> 
> That’s so nice? That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me about this. Thank you.
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Awww
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> Also
> 
> Sorry.
> 
> Ahh, we haven’t even talked that much, you shouldn’t have to hold my hand on this and you weren’t expecting me to dump all of it today oh goddess I’m
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Ingrid, it’s fine, this was easy for me to give.
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> Ahh haha! Thanks.
> 
> If I’m being honest, I worry about having this conversation in front of most other people
> 
> but it helps to hear it so much.
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Well I can’t guarantee for you they’ll all react well but if they don’t, they’re wrong.
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> Oh goodness, I thought you just said there was no right way to be. :p

The addition of the :p was a risk, but Ingrid had already hit send.  _ Might as well provide some entertainment to this man or he’ll think unloading your insecurities is all you’re capable of. _

> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Oh, we can joke now, hmm?
> 
> There’s no right way to be trans. There are right ways to treat other people with compassion. Next.

Ingrid’s eyebrows shot up.

> **horseybooks**
> 
> That’s an unexpectedly serious response from you!
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Lol. I have seen some shit, Ingrid
> 
> for which i no longer have patience
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> Well, thank you again. It helps more than I can express to have someone else corroborate this.

Claude had kept typing while Ingrid replied.

> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> I am a very visibly and vocally mixed race cosplayer. I will always advocate for people who occupy a “weird space in between”
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> Oh
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> What’s that “oh”
> 
> You… CAN tell right? You have seen pictures of me?

Ingrid hadn’t wanted- hadn’t assumed anything of it, and settled for just typing,

> **horseybooks**
> 
> I have seen pictures of you.

A pure statement of fact, no comment on his attractiveness or how good of an editor he was. ...His ego could stand to wait.

> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> I guess I’m not the loudest about being trans all the time because it’s nice to have control over which conclusions people jump to about me
> 
> in at least one aspect of life
> 
> Just something to myself
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> Do you find the race and gender things comparable? I’m surprised because I thought we weren’t supposed to compare… those

This seemed invasive as well, but if Claude was already talking about it, maybe it was fair to ask.

> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Parts of them are fundamentally different
> 
> but there’s this disconnect
> 
> between me
> 
> and society’s version of what I’m supposed to be.
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> This is part of what I mean when I say fuck the rules, Ingrid.
> 
> This is my own experience.
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> You’re starting to lose me again
> 
> Without rules, I think sometimes I’ll fall apart
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> ...is breaking enough gender rules to “count” as nonbinary your new set of rules for yourself?

Ingrid froze above the keyboard.

> **horseybooks**
> 
> uh
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> ...this isn’t why you need another person to tell you it’s okay to be yourself, is it? Am I your new rules?
> 
> **horseybooks**
> 
> UHH

Had… had he really rocketed to that important of a position in Ingrid’s mind after one conversation? This was mortifying. And it wouldn’t do to put him on a pedestal. Ahh-

> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> That’s no good, we’re gonna have you unlearn that. Repeat after me, okay
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Fuck
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> The
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Rules

Unbidden from the back of Ingrid’s mind came Sylvain’s voice.  _ Didn’t he say he was your new set of rules? You’ve seen his selfies out of cosplay. Damn right you wanna fuck the ru- _

> **horseybooks**
> 
> OH goodness this has been very enlightening
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> Can you even say fuck?

_ Yes, Claude, I am saying it quite a lot in my head right now. _

> **horseybooks**
> 
> but I have to go eat dinner now. Thank you so much for talking to me. Until next time, bye
> 
> **claudestrophobia**
> 
> HAHAHA okay, bye. Stay Winningrid.

All the pun nicknames were stupid. But…

_But_.

They were another reason to keep the original name.


End file.
